Starting Weight: 252.4
I've reached a weight that I swore I would never see again. This is my breaking point. I cannot believe the excess I allowed myself to indulge in the past three days. The worst part is, I didn't even care. I enjoyed myself, immensely thuroughly disgustingly. I drank like a fish, ate like a cow, and slept like a satiated baby. I enjoyed myself with the company of beautiful men, dancing and singing and laughing and just loving life in a way I had forgotten.
Dimly, in the very far back reaches of my mind, I thought of how much more fun this would all be if I wasn't fat.
But it was so dim because in the midst of alcohol and food and friendship, my weight was irrelevant. I felt beautiful and cute and sexy and loved for exactly the fun and friendship I was providing.
But now the alcohol is not present, the food has been consumed, and I am left in the waking path of shame at how much weight I have gained. I feel burdened, heavier, my clothes feel tighter, my cheeks feel chubbier, I feel disgusted with myself. But I can change.
Today is a new day. I have reached my breaking point and upon this I will repair myself.
The reparation begins today. I will make sure of it. Every hour is an hour of success. Maybe I cant look at the big picture right away, and I need to measure my successes hour by hour. It is something. I have to do something different because obviously the same old thing is not working. As evidence by my newfound heavy, heavy weight. But I will fix it. I will fix this, I can do this.
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