Chapter Three: Right On The Verge

Day Three

Starting Weight: 252.4

Previous Weight: 251.1

Current Weight: 249.2

Interdaily Loss: -1.9 lbs

Total Loss: -3.2 lbs

Welllp, out of the 250s! Now, to make sure it STAYS that way!! I gotta make sure I'm well behaved this weekend as to not topple down the few  building blocks of success I've managed to erect. I did quite well yesterday; I'm rather sure I drank well over 100 oz of water. Today, it's not even 8am and I've already drank well over 60oz. I'm trying to keep flushing my body, keep myself well hydrated, as I know I don't typically drink nearly enough water.

I did good in terms of eating yesterday, until Urs, our social worker, brought in the breakroom these amazing blondies-brownies she had baked. Well, I just had to try one, you know, as to not be rude. The second and third one I ate, I have no justification. At first, I considered buying some friend chicken after leaving work, because I had already "fallen off the wagon" by eating the brownies. But then I thought NO, no no no. I'm stronger than that, I didn't ruin EVERYTHING, and I need to stop acting so childish and extreme. So, french fries would be a better alternative. Loaded with cheese and sour cream and ketchup and tons of salt and.... NO. No, no, no. If I want to shrink my body, I need to grow as a person. So I said No. And it kind of made me realize, it's really just that simple.

I was talking to Nep last night, who's done quite well with losing weight. And he swears by counting calories. I'm not such a fan of the concept, as I know it's not how much I eat, but what exactly I'm eating, and I don't really care how many calories are in the cake once I get a hold of it in my mouth. But he also said I should figure out what the root cause is, the root problem... figure it out and change it.

I laid down for bed shortly after that conversation, and I gave it a lot of thought as I tried drifting off to sleep. It's amazing how much sense things make when you're sleepy and on the verge of unconsciousness. But I realized the root of my problem, I think.. It's pleasure. It's instant gratification. It's learning how to say no to instant, temporary satisfaction and being able to see the long term benefit of doing so. 

I realized a lot of things. That maybe I can turn my weaknesses into strengths. My two weaknesses: I love pleasure, and I love procrastinating. So I came up with a thought regarding food, the bad food that I crave all the time. It's still going to exist tomorrow. I will procrastinate my desire for that food until tomorrow. You know why? Because tomorrow doesn't exist, and if tomorrow doesn't exist, then I will never really eat that bad food.

Maybe this is what finding tomorrow is all about. I think I am well on the pinnacle verge of its discovery.